Lovers or Friends
I recently binged all 3 seasons of The Bear. And as I’m apt to do after watching a show I like, I proceeded down a Google and YouTube rabbit hole. That rabbit hole led me to a video that apparently broke the internet earlier this year.
It features the show’s leads (Ayo Edebiri and Jeremy Allen White) attending a baseball game with the rest of their cast. In this 15-second video that had the internet in a frenzy, Jeremy is seen rubbing Ayo’s back before preceding to drape his arm around the back of her chair.
The video sparked speculation about whether they have something romantic going on. The implication being, that friends don’t touch each other like that. The fans’ leap to the fact that these two must be dating, points to a belief that I believe is commonly held by a lot of people in our society - that this type of physical touch is reserved for a sexual/romantic relationship.
Something about this belief just didn’t sit right with me, but I was having trouble articulating it, until a very wise and insightful member of a book club I belong to used the term (in reference to something completely unrelated to this The Bear drama), “non-sexual intimacy”.
The frenzy over the video made it abundantly clear that many people don’t believe that physical intimacy can exist in a purely non-sexual, platonic relationship. In many people’s minds, Jeremy and Ayo have to have a little something something going on for him to touch her like that. Now I don’t know Jeremy or Ayo personally and I have no idea whether they have a little something something going on or not, but all of this really highlights the issue of our society’s position on non-sexual physical intimacy.
Some dictionary definitions of intimacy include: “close familiarity or friendship”; “closeness”; and “something of a personal or private nature”. By these definitions, many of us can say that we have some intimate relationships in our lives that aren’t romantic in nature. This all seems to be acceptable until we add physical touch into the mix, specifically when this touch is between people who could potentially be sexually attracted to each other (for example, a heterosexual man and woman, as in the case of Jeremy and Ayo).
As a single heterosexual woman myself, it leaves me a little sad that, according to our society’s views on physical touch, my opportunity to experience non-sexual physical intimacy from a man is basically reserved to me hugging my Dad. Umm, that kind of sucks (no offence to my Dad, but you get what I mean).
All of this essentially boils down to that age-old question of whether a heterosexual man and woman can just be friends. Based on the commotion that this video has caused, it seems like our society’s answer is — no.
This is such a contentious and nuanced issue. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment below!
